i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There r osticjed everywhere
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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