God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
