Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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