Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
