Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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