Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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