You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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