Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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