no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
