I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
