Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
