So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
