just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
