SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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