omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
