I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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