oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
