You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
