Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
