see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
