I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
