People in love make me want to vomit
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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