The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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