Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
