if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
accomplished twins. life is a go
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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