Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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