Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
