You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
