Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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