you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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