I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I could have mohawked her pubes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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