just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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