Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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