I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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