We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
