I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You've changed since you got that strap on
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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