So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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