i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
