i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
