I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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