I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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