It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
