I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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