Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
