I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
there is glitter all over my balls
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
