it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
