Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
