I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
