just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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