Don't make out with my wife yet
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Couch. On fire.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
