Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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