omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
