I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize