i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
