either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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