nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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