you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
