I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
