if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
