I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
