Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
