I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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