I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
