Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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