3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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