I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize