How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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