i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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