you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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