I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Im part way to drunk.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
