Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
