ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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