she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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