I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it glows. i had to have it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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