end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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