I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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