So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
