Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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