i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And then he peed in my hair
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