Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
