@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
