I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
