I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Say something about gay babies.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
