She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I did not marry a roomba.
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