It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
