I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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