Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
