3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
