I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
