This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
