Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
