Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
