Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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