At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
