Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
