Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
