wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
