So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
