Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
