My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
