I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize