I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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