Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
