May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
