How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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