U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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