And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
