Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
