like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
