Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
