So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
