How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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