happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
