I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
