He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
