Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
