oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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