In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
